“New Year Resolutions: by Kathryn Loef
I think that my New Years resolution has been to lose weight for as long as I’ve been making them. Since around the age of 15, I have struggled with an unhealthy body image, leading to strict and obsessive control of my diet and exercise.
I strived to be skinny, and focussed on what others thought about me; what they would see when they looked at me. My life was consumed by these thoughts. This ruined most of my adolescent life, destroyed any self esteem I had and has tainted my memories of that time in my life.
The outward expressions of my obsession reduced two years later when I met my now husband, but the controlling thoughts remained. I was a typical yo-yo dieter, and my weight went up and down along with it.
When my husband and I started trying to conceive a child, I tried to focus more on being healthy. I stopped restricting my calorie intake severely, but the obsession with food continued.
My unhealthy thinking was still a major part of my life and not a day passed where I didn’t think about my weight, how much I needed to lose, how much exercise I should be doing, and what I should or shouldn’t be eating.
My husband and I tried for over a year to conceive, as I had multiple fertility problems. During this time, my weight increased steadily. I was stressed, and ate emotionally as a result.
This was then immediately greeted by strong remorse and guilt. When I fell pregnant in August 2011 I weight 72kg, 10kg heavier than when I was married and the heaviest I had been in my life. During my pregnancy I fought with my demons, and purposefully did not control what I ate.
Despite eating mostly healthy foods, I gained 25kg in total over my pregnancy. I was devastated to weigh 97kg at the end of my pregnancy, and I believe that this strongly contributed to the antenatal depression that I developed around 33 weeks.
I was emotionally exhausted, I hated looking in mirrors and tried to avoid photographs. I know that later in life I will regret not having more photos of myself pregnant with my son, but at the time I could not take the disappointment of how huge I looked.
I was determined to lose my baby weight immediately and get back on my “become skinny” mission. I was terrified to let go of the control, in case my weight ballooned out permanently. That was originally how I found Lose Baby Weight. I had no idea at the time what a difference this would make to my attitude to weight loss!
I am now 8 months post-partum and am finally back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I owe much of this to the Lose Baby Weight Team. I started using their healthy mummy smoothies around 2 months post-partum on and off and gently worked from light exercise back to my normal gym plan.
A very unsettled baby diagnosed with reflux meant that the weight loss was slow going, but the team provided support throughout this. I read through their articles, followed their Facebook page and read conversations and articles by other mums. The team have a balanced and positive approach to post-partum weight loss, and is the most supportive program that I have found. After a while, I finally felt able to concentrate on a lifelong journey of health, not on a short term goal of weight loss.
I have a long way to go, but I’m looking forward to continuing this journey in 2013. When I was diagnosed as dairy intolerant late 2012, I was so glad that I could continue the using the smoothies with almond milk.
My resolution this year is to get back to the weight I was when I got married, and to be confident in myself so that I do not feel pressure to lose more than this. I want to provide a positive environment that encourages my son to have a healthy relationship with food.
I will focus on being strong, happy, and at peace with myself. And of course, I will continue to follow the Lose Baby Weight program to gain the most I can from their encouragement and support.
This wasn’t easy for me to write, but I hope that someone out there can identify, and know that recovery is possible; no matter what your situation is. May 2013 bring you health and peace for you and your family.”
Thank you Katherine for sharing your story xx
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