Once you have children, your life and your waistline changes dramatically. Over time you get used to always putting your child’s needs first, but what takes a little longer to come to terms with, is how things you once loved are now terrible or just awkward now you’re a mum.
Here’s 15 things you’ll only understand if you’re a mum
1. Unexpected silences – it means your toddler is trying to eat the goldfish or using your lipstick to colour in the walls.
2. Sneezing – you never know if the flood gates are going to open or not.
3. White clothes – once something that made you feel fresh and fabulous, it’s now only worn when you’re away from the kids. RIP fabulous white dress.
4. Play doh – it’s either up someone’s nose or on the bottom of a kid’s shoe.
5. Glitter – used to be nice but is now considered public enemy number one, also known as the devil’s work.
6. Supermarket checkout lines – it used to be a relaxing place where you flicked through trashy magazines, it’s now where you child screams their head off because you won’t buy them a chocolate bar. Quickest way to a nervous breakdown!
7. Stilettos – pregnancy not only destroys your svelte figure but often makes your feet get bigger, true story.
8. Expensive furniture – you spend all your time worrying the kids will scratch your elegant hardwood dining table with their fork.
9. Non-elastic clothing – if it doesn’t have a nice relaxed waistline band forget it. Meanwhile your tight pants are hanging unloved with 4 inches of dust on them.
10. G-strings – after something the size of a basketball exits your body, just the thought of having a tiny piece of rough cotton down yonder is enough to make you cry out in pain.
11. Door bells – once upon a time you used to love unexpected visitors to show off your expensive furniture to, now you hide the second you see someone pull up the drive for fear they’ll see you’re still in your PJ’s at 3pm!
12. Jumping on the trampoline – just try it, we dare you.
13. Cursing on the radio – instead of belting out your favourite lyrics you become a ninja in changing radio stations just as a curse word is about to be aired.
14. Wearing you hair down – ain’t nobody got time for that every day. It’s also not wise to wear your hair down around babies who have THE tightest grip in the world when it comes to hair.
15. Dangling earrings – they are now one of the most deadliest jewellery items because babies just adore trying to pull your ear off by yanking on your chandelier earrings.
Bonus thing:
3am – it used to be the time you’d grab a kebab on the way home from a big night out, now it’s the time you race to your baby’s room to feed him or her before they wake up your other kids.
Have you got anything you’d like to add?
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