7th
Aug
We all know the benefits of breastfeeding. There can be little doubt that breastfeeding is the most natural way to feed a baby. I mean our breasts are there for a purpose and unless there is something not working, when we have a baby our breasts will produce breast milk.
That breastfeeding provides the perfect balance of calories, fat, vitamins and other important elements for babies is thoroughly researched and documented.
However, the truth is not every woman can or wants to breast feed and not every baby thrives on breast milk and in the end, it’s the mother’s choice, her gut instinct that she is doing what is best for her baby that must be respected and affirmed and she must be supported in her decision.
The reasons why some mothers choose to give their babies formula are many and no two mothers have the same reason. In the end though, the choice of how to feed a baby is irrelevant. Good mothers are not only those who breast-feed their babies. Being a good mother is about loving and nurturing that little life that has been entrusted to you. If that choice does not include breast feeding your baby, never let anyone make you feel you are not a good mother because of that choice.
I encourage every mother to do all they can to breastfeed and to find the support that may be the difference between being able to feed and not being able to (and you can see breastfeeding tips here too). However, I do want to affirm and offer support to those mothers who choose not to feed, or who have tried to feed but made the decision to switch to formula feeding their baby.
I was fed formula as a baby as was many of the women of my generation, I can remember as a young midwife feeling quite angry at doctors and pro breast feeding midwives who insisted we wake tired mothers up when then their babies wanted to feed. This was a normal reaction in those days when breast-feeding was relatively unknown and feeding according to need was certainly not understood. A few years later, and all of us, together with so many of our generation chose to breast-feed our own children. Now it is our children who are facing the dilemma of whether to breast feed or to bottle feed.
The moral of my little story is that I am a strong healthy (hopefully well-adjusted) middle-aged woman and I was bottle fed like so many of my generation. The quality of milk formula back in those days was good; however no one would deny that today it is far superior. As scientists learned and understood the content and qualities in breast milk, manufacturers of milk formula’s have sought to ensure that formulas for different age groups are nutritionally complete and provide many of the same nutrients and benefits to the baby as breast milk. You will not be denying your baby nutritionally if you choose not to feed your baby.
Whilst it is tempting to think that formula fed babies sleep more than breast-fed babies, this is not true and this should never be a reason to switch from breast milk to formula. There are many ways to get help and support to help your baby settle, however if you find that you are simply not coping with life in general, choosing to share the responsibility of feeding your baby is never going to be a poor choice. If you find yourself having more patience, more energy and being able to meet your other life commitments by not breast- feeding, then be assured the decision is best for everyone in your family, including your baby.
If you tried to breast feed but for medical reasons you have had to stop feeding, please don’t feel guilty. You have given your baby the colostrum and early breast milk with its antibodies and high calorie value and provided an excellent nutritional start for your baby. Enjoy that thought and take time to appreciate that the switch to feeding your baby formula is a continuation of that desire to see your baby thrive and grow into a healthy happy child.
As a nurse/midwife we were taught that to survive all-human beings need to have a number of needs met. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs point out that at base level, all humans need love, food, a sense of safety and interaction with other humans. Research shows that if a baby or toddler is deprived of these basic requirements they won’t survive. Your choice to formula feed your baby is about providing your baby with these needs and following your mothering instinct in how best to do this for your baby within your personal and family dynamics. You are a good mum! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
This article was written by Carol Groves: Carol trained and worked as a nurse and midwife in Australia and overseas, many years ago before having children. Later I trained and worked as a breastfeeding counsellor with Nursing Mothers (now Breastfeeding Australia). Today I am preparing to be a Doula (Childbirth and Peri natal Support Person) and Mother’s Helper. My website is being developed at http://muslimumi.com.
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Thank you for this, as a Mother who tried to breastfeed and had to give up after 4 weeks, it is refreshing to read such an article. It is true that we all know breastfeeding is the best way to feed a baby, but sometimes the consequences outweigh the benefits. I feel it was the best decision for our family as I would have definitely ended with PND had I not taken the ‘pressure’ off myself to continue the struggle with breastfeeding when it was not working out as we thought it would. I sometimes feel there is no support for mothers who don’t breastfeed and that the information out there about the ‘risks’ of formula is extreme.
I think that breast milk is only as good as what the mother eats. I had to give up after 3 weeks cause I had a reaction to the stictches I had so had to go on medication to clear it. I never had a lot of milk and I put it down to not eating a lot while breastfeeding. My son hardly gets sick and he practically started on formula on day 2 of his life in the hospital. There are so many vitamins in formula. I think they shouldn’t say breast is best its hard to here this when you couldn’t breast feed. Next time round, don’t even think I will try to breast feed.
What a great article, glad to see people finally focusing on doing what is right for your family not if you are a good mum or not for your choices about breast feeding!
One of my twins refused to breast feed and was on formula and EBM from day 3 and the other one wouldn’t stop breast feeding. I changed them both to formula after the first week as I only had 30 minutes between feeds (if I was lucky), I had to breast feed one twin, bottle feed the other, burp refluxy twins and maybe change them and then express enough for the next feed. I didn’t have any time to rest/sleep and was too exhausted, therefore not able to make enough milk. I did have a lot of support from my family but not a lot from the health nurses. It’s great that it is acknowledged that you are not a bad Mum for not breastfeeding but a great Mum for doing what is right for your family especially your babies. Afterall a happy and healthy Mum is a good Mum.
It is so good reading this. I had so much trouble with both of my daughters and tried so hard but no matter what I did I felt uncomfortable, always constantly feeding and tired. I got so much negative comments told to me from midwives, family members and even know I feel like I may be doing the wrong thing when I am the only one in mothers group that bottle feeds.
Thanks so much for sharing this, Its great to hear another tune to what you normally hear at the baby clinics. I successfully Breastfed my first till 8mths but when my second came around it was 3mths of HELL. My 2nd had severe food intolerance to yeast and dairy and if I ate anything with even a trace amount of cows milk or rising agent he would have severe stomach cramping and scream for days. Along with infant reflux and getting mastitis from breast refusal I fell into depression because I felt so pressured that I would be poisoning my baby for using formula. I cried for days because of the pressure I felt to keep pursuing breastfeeding but close friends of mine (all who had young kids) said one line that really helped me. They said: Sometimes the “right thing” is not the “right thing”. At that point I started using formula and instantly it settled his tummy and he started to sleep. My first was under 2 so I was a much better mum to both my babies as I was getting sleep and I had more energy to battle through each day. I know now that I did do the best thing for my family and I don’t feel guilty in anyway when I bottle feed my youngest. He has thrived on the bottle where as he was a “failure to thrive” baby on the breast.
Fantastic article. It should be mandatory for all new Mums to read this!
my son is just under 2 and as a newborn i breast fed for 2 week after that it was too painful and as a first time mum the nurses at the maternity ward almost pressure you to breast feed i even had one nurse say that bottle fed babies are lazy and lack the requirements to excel in early development i felt like a horrible mother when i started to bottle feed and i know too many first time mum’s feel the same way there aren’t enough support networks for mothers that choose to bottle feed needless to say my son thrived on formula and is far from being lazy in any aspect! I love my son and at the end of the day i did what i thought was best for him