As our children grow into teenagers it can be a confronting and confusing time for all, especially when those unpredictable adolescent hormones kick in.
According to Australian Government’s Raising Children Network, puberty starts when changes in your child’s brain cause sex hormones to start being released in the ovaries (girls) and testes (boys).
What is puberty?
During puberty your child moves through a series of significant, natural and healthy changes. These physical, psychological and emotional changes signal your child is moving from childhood to adolescence.
As a guide it usually starts about 10-11 years for girls and 11-13 for boys, however it’s normal for it to range from 8-13 and 9-14, respectively.
There’s no way of knowing exactly when your child will start puberty because early changes in your child’s brain and hormone levels can’t be seen from the outside.
Fact: Puberty can be completed in about 18 months or it can take up to five years.
Here’s a few tell-tale emotional and behavioural signs that your child might be undergoing hormonal changes:
- They have unexplained changes of mood that start almost overnight with very sudden explosions of anger or slumps into misery. They swing from feeling independent and free to wanting the parental support they had in childhood.
- Your child wants to establish their own identity separate from you and often this means not doing what you want them to do.
- They become very interested in, and often very sensitive about, how they look.
- They may be very embarrassed about their bodies and try to hide them by wearing loose clothing and they often have an intense need for privacy when they are not fully dressed.
- Privacy and personal space become important to them and they might become intensely private about their bedrooms.
Fact: Adolescence isn’t always a difficult time, some studies show that only about 5-15% of teenagers go through extreme emotional turmoil, become rebellious or have major conflicts with their parents during puberty.
What parents can do to support their children during this time:
- Give compliments about how your child looks and what they do well, even if they brush them off they still hear them.
- Support young people in taking care of their bodies and feeling good about them even if it seems excessive, eg hours in the bathroom or very different haircuts.
- If your child wants to change their body in a permanent ways, eg tattoos, talk with them about the pros and cons of this and offer non-permanent alternatives.
- Avoid mentioning things like pimples directly because it can seem like criticism. Wait until your young person brings it up.
- Try to avoid saying “I told you so” and accept your child will make lots of mistakes as they try to find their way in the world.
- Remember your child’s behaviour is not usually done just to upset you; there might be other reasons such as the fact they’re struggling with becoming individuals and pressures.
Tip: Use every opportunity to reinforce the idea that people come in all shapes and sizes, and that your child’s body is perfect just the way it is.
- Try to keep calm when your child suddenly becomes angry or attacking; letting it develop into a major argument does not help. Wait until things have cooled down and discuss it then.
- You will usually be the person your child lashes out at even if it’s not your fault; kids often act out at home where they feel safe.
- Put yourself in their shoes as often as you can and don’t push too hard to find out what your child is thinking and feeling.
- If feelings are shared, be careful not to criticise or take over and always be available for a chat.
- Talk to parents of other teenagers so you realise that you’re not the only one in this boat.
- Tell your child that puberty is an exciting new development in their lives and try to be positive for them.
It can be an emotionally confronting and challenging time for parents and their children, especially as there are also many physical changes taking place. But remember, this too shall pass, eventually!
